Exactly.
Of course, since I’m not a pathological hoarder, I’m attentive to a certain base level of cleanliness on even holdovers from past residences (I’m not saving anything that would do anything inherently awful, like mold, etc..).
That said, it’s entirely an ongoing exercise in learning more about myself and the situation itself in that past state by not taking the easy route. I’ve grown through learning of and exploring different cognitive pathways, things that just wouldn’t be possible if I destroyed something like this, or gave it away, or even just recorded over it. It would feel good in the immediate moment, but I thought ahead to this point now, that was only theoretical.
Of course it hurt, at first. But letting its content decay allowed me time to really… grasp things in a full manner. It’s a particular foundation of why I didn’t just repress, gloss over my own emotions, and why I’m the person I am today, which is entirely healthier than the alternative,* in spite of how self-torturous this might feel like to anyone else.
Of course I feel a bit sorrowful, but it’s not immediately in the present tense… it’s projected backwards through time, to that stage of my own development, to whom that recording was really addressed to.
It will be interesting to see where I am in my life, when the battery finally dies.
*Comma abuse.
